Friday, 4 January 2013
*Raise's Glass* I'd like to thank all the bullies...
A post by blogger, Corrinne got me thinking about how I used to feel about my face, and why I'm where I am today.
I used to be afraid to talk about my jaw, because if you talk about something, you give others permission to talk about it too- my family included. Kids at my school had enjoyed publicly humiliating me, a particularly bold class mate said my face was the shape of a foot, due to its asymmetry, and so kindly pointed this out to the whole class. Other significantly younger students have said my chin looked like a ..ahem, for use of a better word, penis!
I never wanted to draw attention to my face, I think that's why I bite my nails - so that my hand is covering my mouth. I tried not to smile in class, and my eye contact, is STILL atrocious. I just felt like everyone was looking at it, everyone knew it looked weird. I couldn't bare to discuss this with my family because again, I was scared to have anyone else essentially agreeing with the bullies.
Other than being referred to the Birmingham dental hospital for the TMJD (clicky, locking activity going on in my right jaw!) I hadn't addressed the cosmetic factor of my jaw, and always thought I'd never be considered an important enough case for surgery.
I have to thank one girl in particular, she found out her ex boyfriend liked me and she tagged me in a post on Facebook which said 'If I knew he liked it so much, I'd have grown a massive f**k-off chin like that.' If it wasn't for her harsh words, I wouldn't have had the courage to finally tell my parents how much this bothered me, and wouldn't have booked my first jaw consultation. Thanks again!
So here I am! - years away from the name calling of 2002-2007 and just 2 months away from having the courage to maintain eye contact with people because I'll have nothing to fear, but you know, even if I wasn't having this surgery, I wouldn't be afraid any more You realise how childish people are as youths, and in the 'grown up world' it is (hopefully) very rare anyone would treat you that was just for looking slightly different.
Although it might not have began this way, I can happily say, that I'm having this surgery for ME and me alone, not to give them something prettier to look at ;)