Monday, 26 November 2012

All things must end... but not like this

For those of you who follow me, you know that I rarely include anything personal/ non-brace related details in my posts, but here's the exception - I had to get it out somewhere. Bare with me, I've been keeping this in for a while.

So, my boyfriend and I broke up.

We'd been together for 7 years. He was my world, my rock, my best damn friend.

He's in Finland as a foreign exchange student at the moment- as you can imagine  the distance is hard, but we got through it, or so I thought.  3 weeks ago he took a class trip to Russia, where I later found out he kissed a girl. 
I could forgive this - sure it hurt like hell, but it was one kiss with a person he's never going to meet again. This person then contacted me - telling me he 'said he wanted her.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her 'maybe she didn't know he wasn't single...lets move on and leave it at that'. 

Her reply left me speechless. Her exact reply was: ''I wasn't interested in him before, but seeing as you want him so much, I'm gona go for it, think I can get him from you? ;P''
I told him this. He told me not to worry, told me he doesn't want her. I believed him.

I found out he'd booked another trip to Russia. I begged him not to meet her. He promised. He returned before I knew it - still promising he didn't meet her - but this time, telling me that he 'doesn't know if he wants me any more'. 
I was in pieces. Every night we'd talk on Skype, he would listen to me plea my case - I told him that he's back so soon, we can make this right, make this relationship better, because it was worth it, cause he was worth it! He dragged this out for 3 whole weeks, telling me 'he doesn't know what he wants' or 'we'll talk tomorrow' - but not before telling me that he still loves me every night.

Monday 19th - His Russian girl emails me print screens of their messages. 
He did see her in Russia. He rented a hotel room with her. He lay there all night telling her how he wishes he'd  met her sooner, called her his 'Russian Princess'. 
I called him again and again until he grew a pair and answered.

'I'm sorry you found out'....That's all I got.

7 years, destroyed, all because some manipulative bitch got a kick out of my misery, and because he was willing to throw it all away to the first girl who noticed him.

It's bizzare reading this back - I've not repeated this in so much detail to anyone. But although I've lost my boyfriend, and my best friend, the moment I hung up that phone, all the stomach churning stopped. I felt lighter, almost free. and despite the sadness this causes when I think about what will never happen now, he is not the guy I adored a few weeks ago. 

The deepest regret I think I'm feeling now, is that I feel so alone for my surgery - he was the one who pushed me to go for it when I was scared, and now I almost felt like screaming 'just wait! wait and see who I'll be after this!' I couldn't wait for him to come back from Finland and see the new me. I know that's wrong, and  I know I don't need someone like this. 

PHEW! There, I've made myself read this - made myself accept it.

Onwards and up! There's so many people out there who've gone through this - despite how trivial in the scheme of things, I really feel for anyone in a similar position, and I'm not gonna let it define my life :)

I'll be okay, I believe that now. 
Next appointment in 4 weeks! x x x


  1. Hi Sophie,
    I feel the pain of your words, but also the determination & resilience. Some men are gutless pricks when it comes to the crunch; others are REAL men. You deserve a real one, & now the gutless prick is out of your life, there will be room for a real one when you're ready. Hang in there :)

  2. Wow that is so awful! Sophie you are a beautiful girl and trust me it really is his loss. That is horrible that after so much time be turned out to be such a douche but he'll get his. I'm sure a girl who can sabotage something like that will get bored very fast and then he'll be all alone while you have a bright and happy future. Once your jaw surgery is done you're going to be living a whole new life that is worry free.
    You're a strong girl and something so much better is going to come along.

  3. Good for you Sophie! You will be okay, you will be more than okay, you will be fabulous!

    Ellie and Terra are right, he is an idiot. But he's gone now and you are moving on in your life into a better place, soon you will have a new face, a new outlook on life and a renewed confidence.

    And you wont be alone during your surgery, all of us other bloggers will be here for you to listen, support and offer help and advice if needs be. So keep focused lovely on that end goal, for you and your wonderful life! xxx

  4. I really don't know what to say- these are all such beautiful messages to wake up to!
    And you're all right, i know that. My only fear now is that when he comes back home for Christmas, I'll want him again. I don't want this, but to break up over the phone, when i haven't seen him since August?
    But terra is right, its been so long- good times and bad, but this is the one thing i never thought he was capable of.
    I miss him dearly, but i think i miss the old him, not this selfish douche.

    Thank you all so much! I can't wait for surgery now- 2 months, and a fresh start!

    X x x x

  5. Be strong when he gets back. Take the time to feel super confident and great about yourself because he doesn't deserve to have the satisfaction of seeing you down. I know we're all far away but your blogger friends are all here for you for the surgery or anything you need to get off your shoulders. When it comes time for surgery we're all going to be rooting for you :)

  6. Sophie you are so strong to have a positive attitude throughout this. All these comments are amazing and they are all right, you are better than that and you deserve to be treated better. You are beautiful and trust me when I say you will be better off without him. I can definitely relate, dated a guy for 5 years only to find out he was cheating. It hurts a lot, but just think of the new start you will get to have after this surgery, you have so much to look forward to! If you need to talk I am here for you, we all are! All the best :)

  7. Thank you all - really!
    You know its strange, I don't think I feel angry or sad or hurt any more, because I've realised how fast life can go by when you're wallowing in self pity! And I've wasted enough of my youth, I can't afford to miss anything else!

    I'm trying to go away after Christmas, somewhere, anywhere, maybe Amsterdam or Budapest, but I think it will help if I'm not in the same country as he is :) Plus like I said, I need to start living! There's so many opportunities I've missed because HE didn't want me to. But not any more :)

    Thanks you guys, I hope to catch up with you soon x