For those of you who follow me, you know that I rarely include anything personal/ non-brace related details in my posts, but here's the exception - I had to get it out somewhere. Bare with me, I've been keeping this in for a while.
So, my boyfriend and I broke up.
We'd been together for 7 years. He was my world, my rock, my best damn friend.
He's in Finland as a foreign exchange student at the moment- as you can imagine the distance is hard, but we got through it, or so I thought. 3 weeks ago he took a class trip to Russia, where I later found out he kissed a girl.
I could forgive this - sure it hurt like hell, but it was one kiss with a person he's never going to meet again. This person then contacted me - telling me he 'said he wanted her.'
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her 'maybe she didn't know he wasn't single...lets move on and leave it at that'.
Her reply left me speechless. Her exact reply was: ''I wasn't interested in him before, but seeing as you want him so much, I'm gona go for it, think I can get him from you? ;P''
I told him this. He told me not to worry, told me he doesn't want her. I believed him.
I found out he'd booked another trip to Russia. I begged him not to meet her. He promised. He returned before I knew it - still promising he didn't meet her - but this time, telling me that he 'doesn't know if he wants me any more'.
I was in pieces. Every night we'd talk on Skype, he would listen to me plea my case - I told him that he's back so soon, we can make this right, make this relationship better, because it was worth it, cause he was worth it! He dragged this out for 3 whole weeks, telling me 'he doesn't know what he wants' or 'we'll talk tomorrow' - but not before telling me that he still loves me every night.
Monday 19th - His Russian girl emails me print screens of their messages.
He did see her in Russia. He rented a hotel room with her. He lay there all night telling her how he wishes he'd met her sooner, called her his 'Russian Princess'.
I called him again and again until he grew a pair and answered.
'I'm sorry you found out'....That's all I got.
7 years, destroyed, all because some manipulative bitch got a kick out of my misery, and because he was willing to throw it all away to the first girl who noticed him.
It's bizzare reading this back - I've not repeated this in so much detail to anyone. But although I've lost my boyfriend, and my best friend, the moment I hung up that phone, all the stomach churning stopped. I felt lighter, almost free. and despite the sadness this causes when I think about what will never happen now, he is not the guy I adored a few weeks ago.
The deepest regret I think I'm feeling now, is that I feel so alone for my surgery - he was the one who pushed me to go for it when I was scared, and now I almost felt like screaming 'just wait! wait and see who I'll be after this!' I couldn't wait for him to come back from Finland and see the new me. I know that's wrong, and I know I don't need someone like this.
PHEW! There, I've made myself read this - made myself accept it.
Onwards and up! There's so many people out there who've gone through this - despite how trivial in the scheme of things, I really feel for anyone in a similar position, and I'm not gonna let it define my life :)
I'll be okay, I believe that now.
Next appointment in 4 weeks! x x x