Just Dropping by... (I Miss You All) Day 472

I've genuinely surprised myself as I logged on to this blog tonight - I'm incredibly emotional as I visit everybody's pages, and re-read my own. 

- Corrinne -

 ''...I hope one day I feel 100% worthy of someone. Just to feel totally adored and valued - and to feel like I deserve it, without question or doubt...' 

You absolutely got me as I was reading that line. That is bang on what goes through my head a good majority of the time; feeling overly grateful for a person wanting to be with me, and constantly doubting their motives- can't just accept that it may be that I'm a wonderful, kind person right?

I think I miss the sense of belonging that I got from sharing with this little Brace-Faced community -  something unique to be a part of, with people who just 'got it'. 
But I also think that knowing when it's no longer necessary to post frequent updates is important. I'm of course keeping this blog open for people to benefit from it the way I benefited from others, but as you can see, my last update was 17th April 2014, so My posts will most likely become yearly - That doesn't mean I don't come nosing around to see what y'all been up to ;) I like to see what everyone's doing and in a sense, watching people grow -this blog has been here for getting on 4 years!

How is my jaw, you ask?

It looks like this :)

So July just gone was my 1 year post op mark - it came and went before I even realized. I forgot to post anything and then I guess life got in the way.

The only downside (and really, it's not a big deal!) 

My numbness has not changed, the feeling in my right lower lip, chin and all of my bottom gums has not returned, nor does it seem like it ever will at this point. It can be frustrating, and makes me feel quite clumsy when say, I'm out eating with my class mates, or generally anywhere in public, as I'm prone to not notice food around my mouth but if you asked my dad he'd tell you this has always been a problem...

My surgeon is genuinely stumped about this as he claims (according to his surgery notes) ''...both nerves were seen and avoided - no damage...'' so he doesn't understand why just one side has recovered despite both sides enduring the same thing. He's booked me in for another check up in 6 months.

But everything is generally well! 

I'm waiting for my orthodontic appointment in a few weeks where they'll decide if I've been wearing my retainers properly. ( I haven't, but it's because they're so lose they don't do anything for my teeth!) My teeth look fine to me - no drastic movement despite infrequent retainer use, which is probably because I haven't grown in about 8 years so the retainers have an easy job!

oh, I also had my FIRST scale and polish/ dental check up SINCE BEFORE BRACES which was 4 years ago! My dentist was shocked my this but said I had perfectly clean teeth despite this. I described some sensitivity I get since being de-braced, he took some xrays and decided that there may or may not be some decay in one of my molars (where the bracket would have been) he said there's no way to know for sure so I can either have it drilled to find out or leave it! I said no way am I having a filling just cause I 'might' have a problem!

So I'm just sticking to the Sensodyne ;)

Lastly- What have I been up to?

Well! Most significantly for me, I hitch-hiked from London to Budapest in 4 days spending no money and using nothing but my wit and charm to get there, all in aid of AICR which we raised an amazing £31k!!! Worth every blister ;)

Tom and I pleased with ourselves as we blag our way on to a German train!

Finally made it to Budapest! - Group photo of all the teams

Enjoyed my first festival! Sonisphere 2014 - a little too much!

 Pirates for Alestorm :)

Moved my 'elderly' bunnies in to my uni house, and got two new gerbils to the growing collection of animals 

I'm painting again! Just cause i don't study it doesn't mean I should waste my *ahem* talent 

Rango ;)

I got some more tattoos... not really news but sure I like them!

All in all things are going well! I'm very happy still living as a student with my partner and our pets, I'm well in to my second year at university now - I'll be a Forensic Investigator in no time! ;)

Wishing everyone well, new followers and old friends

Best wishes until next time 

x

Day 113 - Where has the time gone?

Wow, where do I begin?

These last few months have gone so fast - I mean it's almost Christmas!

I'm a bad Blogger - I haven't blogged since 19th September!

I've been busy, living away from home in my new shared house (yay), studying Forensics; looking at lots of dead bodies, and of course, going out and having lots of photos taken- from ANY angle ;)

Halloween! I carved my first pumpkin all by myself (my mom usually scoops out the seeds!)

It's Jack Skellington 

I'm still so happy - and generally content with my jaw, I don't shy away any more!

But first, here's my new room!! It pretty much looks like my old room now that I've moved all my paintings and posters in to it!

I love this house, it's so nice :) It's an old house which had been modified inside and we're the first people to live in it since so it's all nice and fresh. Floor space! I've been craving it since I moved out in 2010 for uni but came back to find my brother had taken my room leaving me with the box room. 

New Additions! 

Tom and I got some mice :) They're currently residing on my bedroom floor as I don't have a table to put them on, but they're cute to watch. we named them Bubblegum and Rainicorn - from Cartoon Network's Adventure Time :)

JAW STUFF

-I'm still pretty distressed at times with the sensation I get in my chin and gums, they're still really numb...but not numb enough to ignore. I get lots of itching, not tingling, the tingling was easy to deal with, but this can sometimes be unbearable.

-My chin is maybe over-sensitive? For example, I get spots, and if they were on my chin and I used a face scrub or even if I tried to 'pick' one, the pain is excruciating  Sometimes just scratching my chin in a 'normal' way can bring me to tears and I'm not sure if I should tell my doctor this?

-my gums are still numb, but brushing my teeth causes a lot of pain/sensitivity. I use appropriate toothpaste, but the discomfort is still there. It means I'm unable to brush my teeth for as long as I should.

-My jaw clicking/locking only happens very very rarely now, not when i eat, or talk and not even when I yawn. I find it happens when I'm stressed or tired, but even then it's a tiny click compared to what I experienced for years, so I'll take it.

-Retainers, they're fine - gives you the most awful taste/breath in the morning! But if it keeps all this lovely dental work in place then  it's worth it.

*Retainer tip!

Although the ortho told me I can use soap to wash my retainers, I couldn't bare the thought of soap in my mouth, so I've only used luke-warm water and my toothbrush to clean them and so far mine still look clear without using any products like 'retainer brite' as of yet.

All in all I'm enjoying everything more now. I probably still think about surgery everyday, probably because I can still feel the bumps of the metal fixes on my jaw when I'm holding my head up on my desk during 9am lectures! 

So, I'll try and be a better Blogger, I've still been looking at all your posts and watching your progress - Natasha! So happy you've finally had your surgery! I hope it's given you what you wanted.

I'll be sure to abuse you with photos again soon!

x

14 days to go!!!

So this time tomorrow, surgery will be over with- or maybe I'll still be under the knife, I'm not really sure how long its gonna take, but I have one last appointment come though with my surgeon for this Thursday 4th July where he will make any final adjustments and answer any last questions  I have, like how long will it take etc.

So, this is pretty trivial, but if any of you have seen my previous irrelevant posts, you'll know I love piercings. I have 19 of them, and worry about a few which I feel will heal up fast if left out - I have to practically re-pierce my nose if I forget to put it back in after work! I might be stating the obvious, but I don't think they'll even let me keep in plastic retainers whilst I'm in surgery - I know its for my own safety, and I'm sure I'll have better things to worry about, but when I come to, the first thing I'll wanna do is put my piercings back in!

I'm getting pretty nervous right now...I'm probably driving my family and friends crazy as I'm always talking about it. My boyfriend is being great about it too - he wants to come down immediately after I'm out of surgery, but I hate feeling vulnerable and I'm gonna look and feel like shiiiite so I don't know about that yet.

Bottom line is, I can't wait!

I'll post on thursday and tell you all what my surgeon has to say :)

Have a good week!

x

I'm fashioning some new brace-bling....surgery ready!!!

Today was so exciting!!!

Had my last adjustments made today! Was my longest appointment ever, took about an hour.

• I had my pink bands removed 
• My wire was taken out and some very attractive surgical hooks were added
• I had two sets of impressions taken - first lot failed cause the room temperature was too high and the clay set before it was properly done
• Two of my back molars were filled down....this came as a shock as he didn't discuss this with me, just started fillin' away! But apparently they were too pointy and would have dug in to my teeth once aligned
• I had to bite on to a kinda wax/clay mould whilst holding a metal frame over my head and some new guy came in and turned lots of dials and screws and then wrote down said measurments and then fitted this to a frame which apparently is to made this 3D 'wafer' 

The 15th July is DEFINITELY mine! All mine!

I will be seeing my surgeon once more in 3 weeks after this 3D thing is made, and then that's it! All systems a go :)

I'd forgotten what my teeth looked like under all that metal!

My wires had not been removed since before CHRISTMAS! It was so nice to get them properly cleaned!

The finished result of the day - I'm full of metal - no bands, just wires and hooks! They hurt like hell against my lips right now! But it's okay! This is a good pain cause it means I'm almost there :)

Now! I'd better go as I've got a little packing to do as I'm spending 2 weeks at my new boyfriends house whilst his family are away ... yup, I'm pretty loved-up right now :) I can't wait for this surgery also, so that he can come down and look after me, I told him he needs to provide me with those yogurt things I had as a kid called 'Frubes' and give me lots of attention whilst I feel sorry for myself :)

Tom doesn't seem to be phased by my metal mouth!! 

Have a good weekend everyone!!! Keep posting cause seriously, you guys get me through the days with your progress and your stories! xxx

Coming out of Hibernation

[ Corrinne! I hope you're alright, your braces look awesome btw. We gotta catch up when your hectic-ness has settled :) ]

Wow, seriously, I've been away from you guys so long, you've all come such a long way in a few months - I'm extremely jealous by the way!

So, as you know, I've been absent for a while, mainly because I was literally waiting for my meeting with my surgeon which was so far away, and I didn't want to bore you guys with my day-to-day life.

But, at last! It's here! I have a meeting with my surgeon tomorrow, and I swear to god, if he doesn't give me a damn good reason why I've not been seen since January, I'm gonna punch him in the throat.

Hopefully I will get a surgery date, but I've learnt not to be too optimistic - but I'm gonna tell him how it is, how disappointed and miserable I've been, having to wait so damn long.

So, as soon as I leave his office I will update you all immediately :)

In other news, I have a new boyfriend ^_^ I'm very very happy. And he's so understanding with my surgery - he even wants to come look after me when I'm post op - I said hell no - let me recover in peace and then come out with my shiny new face when I'm all healed up :)

So wish me luck! You've all been so busy with your braces - I gotta catch up!

Night guys!  

My first V-Day Single/ Look over there, its another Gap!!!

My first valentines day single in 7 years

...Its actually not so bad :)

There might be a guy...But it's too early for that story! >.<

But back to business!

Gap Gap oh and did I mention gap?!?!
My last post was me complaining about a gap which had appeared in the center of my bottom teeth. I booked an SOS appointment, got it sorted, its gone. But because they've shoved some more powerchain on me, it has now created a gap at the side where the powerchain ends!!!

ARGHH When will it end???

So I don't know whether I should call up or not, because I don't want to be a nuisance but I also don't want to be told I have to be postponed again due to my teeth not being ready.

So, I probably should screw my need to please people and just call, right? Besides, I'm only due one more ortho appointment before I'm refereed to the joint clinic, and I don't know when that will be.

Hope you're all well and being spoilt rotten by your guys ;)

Happy Valentines day! 

All things must end... but not like this

For those of you who follow me, you know that I rarely include anything personal/ non-brace related details in my posts, but here's the exception - I had to get it out somewhere. Bare with me, I've been keeping this in for a while.

So, my boyfriend and I broke up.

We'd been together for 7 years. He was my world, my rock, my best damn friend.

He's in Finland as a foreign exchange student at the moment- as you can imagine  the distance is hard, but we got through it, or so I thought.  3 weeks ago he took a class trip to Russia, where I later found out he kissed a girl. 
I could forgive this - sure it hurt like hell, but it was one kiss with a person he's never going to meet again. This person then contacted me - telling me he 'said he wanted her.' 
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her 'maybe she didn't know he wasn't single...lets move on and leave it at that'. 

Her reply left me speechless. Her exact reply was: ''I wasn't interested in him before, but seeing as you want him so much, I'm gona go for it, think I can get him from you? ;P''
I told him this. He told me not to worry, told me he doesn't want her. I believed him.

I found out he'd booked another trip to Russia. I begged him not to meet her. He promised. He returned before I knew it - still promising he didn't meet her - but this time, telling me that he 'doesn't know if he wants me any more'. 
I was in pieces. Every night we'd talk on Skype, he would listen to me plea my case - I told him that he's back so soon, we can make this right, make this relationship better, because it was worth it, cause he was worth it! He dragged this out for 3 whole weeks, telling me 'he doesn't know what he wants' or 'we'll talk tomorrow' - but not before telling me that he still loves me every night.

Monday 19th - His Russian girl emails me print screens of their messages. 
He did see her in Russia. He rented a hotel room with her. He lay there all night telling her how he wishes he'd  met her sooner, called her his 'Russian Princess'. 
I called him again and again until he grew a pair and answered.

'I'm sorry you found out'....That's all I got.

7 years, destroyed, all because some manipulative bitch got a kick out of my misery, and because he was willing to throw it all away to the first girl who noticed him.

It's bizzare reading this back - I've not repeated this in so much detail to anyone. But although I've lost my boyfriend, and my best friend, the moment I hung up that phone, all the stomach churning stopped. I felt lighter, almost free. and despite the sadness this causes when I think about what will never happen now, he is not the guy I adored a few weeks ago. 

The deepest regret I think I'm feeling now, is that I feel so alone for my surgery - he was the one who pushed me to go for it when I was scared, and now I almost felt like screaming 'just wait! wait and see who I'll be after this!' I couldn't wait for him to come back from Finland and see the new me. I know that's wrong, and  I know I don't need someone like this. 

PHEW! There, I've made myself read this - made myself accept it.

Onwards and up! There's so many people out there who've gone through this - despite how trivial in the scheme of things, I really feel for anyone in a similar position, and I'm not gonna let it define my life :)

I'll be okay, I believe that now. 
Next appointment in 4 weeks! x x x