Just can't calm down

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've become increasingly agitated all night. I've been lying on my bed since midnight and I think I'm subconsciously winding myself up. 
I keep getting tingles through my body, I can't breathe calmly and I've had a bunch of heart palpitations.
 

I'm fine - I'm not ill, I know its just bad anxiety, but I don't know why! 

I'm thinking of everything all at once, and of course surgery is more than a frequent visitor for my thoughts, but I'm so frustrated because its not done, its not now and its been almost 8 weeks and I still have no orthodontist!!!

My head is in my hands - why do we do that when we're stressed? I want to cry but I know its so irrational. I want to talk to my best friend but I don't want to burden him. I want to punch my ex in the face but I don't want to see him. 

Its like I'm really really thirsty and nothing is quenching it!

I'm going skiing in France - on my own, in less than 2 weeks, and now I'm thinking is this a bad idea. What if I get lost? what if I forget how to ski? What if I make no friends? What if the old friend I'm meeting doesn't meet me? I wanted to have had surgery by now - I'm not ready to get on with things until then - it doesn't feel worth it!

I'm clogging up all of your relevant brace information with this - but just typing this up, organising and rationalising my thoughts is making me feel better - having to think before I type is helping. I don't know why this is happening now - its Christmas for gods sake!

I guess everything just catches up to you sometimes

Muddy Walks on Christmas Eve

A/N - Meagan, hope you're feeling good! 

Happy Christmas Eve! 

Its such a shame we have no snow! 

I enjoyed a messy, muddy , wet walk in the local woods with my dogs.

They run crazzzy fast, and splash mud everywhere!

But  I love them :) 

Merry Christmas fellow brace bloggers!!

  

Face update - 1 year 10 months with braces

In march I will have had these braces for 2 years, and lately, my tolerance for them is wearing thin.

Its the little things that annoy me now, silly things which aren't a big deal. Its the way people treat me, and don't understand - I do explain why they're necessary to the surgery, but most of the time I get 'Oh when I had braces it was a piece of cake...they were off within 6 months...' I'm like, yes well this is different... but they don't get my frustration!

[In the convenience store]

Shop assistant - 'Do you have any ID for that?'

Me - 'Yes, I'm 21, and this is a scratch card...'

[At work on break]

Me - 'can I have a knife and fork, please?'

Manager - 'why? you're eating a sandwich.'

Me - 'I know but its easier on account of my braces..'

Manager - 'Lol, You're so weird, haven't you had those braces for like, forever?'

Me - '....forget it.'

[My local pub]

Me - 'Hey, I'll have half a cider please'

Bartender - 'Okay can I see some ID?'

Me - *Shows ID* 'I'm 21, and you went to school with me!!!'

Bartender - 'Oh well its cause of the braces...'

[Flirting with hot guy]

Hot guy - 'Erm...I really like you Sophie, but I think you're a little young for me, maybe if you were a little older..'

Me - 'I'm 21!!!'

Hot guy - 'Oh really? You know I wouldn't have guessed, you don't expect someone your age to still have braces!'

Me - 'I don't still have braces, I - ...never mind.'

I know I'm being excessive here, but I think I'm just bitter from being postponed.

END OF RANT - Back to braces!

With my hair straight you can really see the shape of my face.

My teeth alignment hasn't really changed much, I think thats why I'm getting so wound up - nothing is changing!

This, again, is my good side... I'm smiling, but you really can't tell

This is my bad side, which actually isn't much different from my good side, except I try to steer clear of photographs this side. Hate that downwards line by my mouth - makes me look sad I think.

I really want my appointment to come through soon! It's been over 6 weeks for sure! I called and they said I'm waiting cause I don't have a set orthodontist, as mines gone of to have a baby, so its just whoever is around and available for me.

The waiting game - a pre-op's worst nightmare

The Ortho-Store!

I've always suffered with ulcers, and having braces only exacerbated the problem! Here's what I do!

• For pain relief I use Anbesol - great numbing liquid, I find it works faster and longer than bonjela. You can get it in most drug stores here and US for about £1-4 depending on size. 

• As you all know, wax is the savoir when it comes to braces rubbing, but it might be cheap, but its not the best. I've even resorted to using chewing gum to cover my braces! Until Blogger Cathy told me about Gishy goo. Its a little more expensive than anything else, at £14, but its a crazy thing, it produces 2 substances which when rubbed together create a soft, but firm texture ( a bit like the stuff ortho dontists take moulds of teeth with) and it lasts a long long time. NOTE: for all you 'adults', like me, you might want to get the white colour - the green is very very green!

• Mouth guard - This I bought on a whim, but its the best investment by far. When looking for gishy goo, I found 'comfort covers' they are basically a light mouth guard used by people who perhaps play a brass instrument, or light activity. Its two plastic strips which you cut to size, they clip in to place around your braces, and VOILÀ, no more rubbing ANYWHERE on your mouth. I use them to sleep in and at just £5, they are amazing. Highly recommend. comes with a little case too!  

So there you have it! its only taken 2 years but I've finally found my 'brace survivor pack' 

I found out about these on www.orthostore.co.uk

go to 'Patient Comfort' and have a look. If they don't ship to your country/ area, look on Ebay and Amazon.

So glad I can share this with you guys! Natasha, I hope this helped! x

Blonde again! :)

 I get very irritated when things aren't changing. So I make my own changes.

Today, I:

-dyed my hair
-got another piercing
-booked my tattoo

Interesting note, I took these photos whilst I had my brace-mouth guard which I bought to sleep in (FYI totally works, best thing ever at protecting against ulcers!!) - I'm impressed that my lip doesn't look too enormous!

I'll post my tattoo when its done :)

Good night peeps!

Keeping Myself Entertained

I often wonder what my new face will look like.

I see everyone's before and afters and its so amazing to see how a person can look so much better and happier, but still keep the little expressions that make them, 'them' you know?

Me? I just want to be able to look people in the eyes when I talk to them without thinking 'are they looking at my jaw? Can they tell? They don't like me I just know it!' 

I want to take a decent photo without having to remember which side to avoid at which angle.

I think I'll be 'complete' once this is fixed. Like I can be the best person I can be.

Tongue, just pick a spot, then stay put!!!

Its been 3 weeks since I last had my braces tightened and oh my god what is wrong with them!?

I mentioned that my new orthodontist had removed my plastic chain runners and provided me with some lovely, discreet wire versions (which won't change colour when I eat curry!) 

So although I'm loving this in comparison, I think I've swapped my eye-sore for a whole-mouth-sore!
I'm prone to ulcers anyway - for no reason, but this is the worst ever - and its not even my usual 1cm+ ones! They've covered the sides of my tongue because I've ended up biting it with the brackets when trying to avoid hurting my lip. 

 This photo doesn't do it justice! Its dark, and angry looking, and its making my life hell!
I couldn't speak in class all week, and can't eat. I've plastered my teeth in wax as you can see but nothing helps! I'm out of Bonjela, Anbesol, and every other useless remedy I could think of.

I just wanna brush my teeth without having to hold my lip stretched out with my other hand!

Now, I know this is nothing compared to how I'll feel post-surgery, but at least that's a good reason to be in pain - this isn't! 

My jaw has also been locking at least 7 times a day - think this is because I've been clenching my teeth without realising it due to the discomfort of this damn ulcer - it has no idea what trouble it's causing!

All things must end... but not like this

For those of you who follow me, you know that I rarely include anything personal/ non-brace related details in my posts, but here's the exception - I had to get it out somewhere. Bare with me, I've been keeping this in for a while.

So, my boyfriend and I broke up.

We'd been together for 7 years. He was my world, my rock, my best damn friend.

He's in Finland as a foreign exchange student at the moment- as you can imagine  the distance is hard, but we got through it, or so I thought.  3 weeks ago he took a class trip to Russia, where I later found out he kissed a girl. 
I could forgive this - sure it hurt like hell, but it was one kiss with a person he's never going to meet again. This person then contacted me - telling me he 'said he wanted her.' 
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her 'maybe she didn't know he wasn't single...lets move on and leave it at that'. 

Her reply left me speechless. Her exact reply was: ''I wasn't interested in him before, but seeing as you want him so much, I'm gona go for it, think I can get him from you? ;P''
I told him this. He told me not to worry, told me he doesn't want her. I believed him.

I found out he'd booked another trip to Russia. I begged him not to meet her. He promised. He returned before I knew it - still promising he didn't meet her - but this time, telling me that he 'doesn't know if he wants me any more'. 
I was in pieces. Every night we'd talk on Skype, he would listen to me plea my case - I told him that he's back so soon, we can make this right, make this relationship better, because it was worth it, cause he was worth it! He dragged this out for 3 whole weeks, telling me 'he doesn't know what he wants' or 'we'll talk tomorrow' - but not before telling me that he still loves me every night.

Monday 19th - His Russian girl emails me print screens of their messages. 
He did see her in Russia. He rented a hotel room with her. He lay there all night telling her how he wishes he'd  met her sooner, called her his 'Russian Princess'. 
I called him again and again until he grew a pair and answered.

'I'm sorry you found out'....That's all I got.

7 years, destroyed, all because some manipulative bitch got a kick out of my misery, and because he was willing to throw it all away to the first girl who noticed him.

It's bizzare reading this back - I've not repeated this in so much detail to anyone. But although I've lost my boyfriend, and my best friend, the moment I hung up that phone, all the stomach churning stopped. I felt lighter, almost free. and despite the sadness this causes when I think about what will never happen now, he is not the guy I adored a few weeks ago. 

The deepest regret I think I'm feeling now, is that I feel so alone for my surgery - he was the one who pushed me to go for it when I was scared, and now I almost felt like screaming 'just wait! wait and see who I'll be after this!' I couldn't wait for him to come back from Finland and see the new me. I know that's wrong, and  I know I don't need someone like this. 

PHEW! There, I've made myself read this - made myself accept it.

Onwards and up! There's so many people out there who've gone through this - despite how trivial in the scheme of things, I really feel for anyone in a similar position, and I'm not gonna let it define my life :)

I'll be okay, I believe that now. 
Next appointment in 4 weeks! x x x

Bit of a Tight Fit!

As you know I had my appointment for adjustments and what-not on the 7th November.
Now, sure I expect my teeth to be sore, I even expect to not be able to eat particularly hard foods that week. But what I didn't expect is for it to have been 14 days later and still be struggling with a sandwich!!

Nice, sweet soft cupcake...ruined as my stupid teeth couldn't grind down those crispy sugary bits on top!

Still, I'd chose these overly-tight braces over the plastic chain-runners I had any day!

Hope everyone's having a more eventful week than I am!

At least I know where I stand (appointment update)

 I've just got home, appointment went well, other than it not being my last, but I had (another) new orthodontist, he was very nice, and straight to the point. He told me that I will definitely only be having my one jaw operated on, as there is only enough 'movement' for the bottom jaw. He promised me this will be enough to fix the symmetry, and showed me this on the moulds taken back in may(!), how that if I really wanted my upper jaw done too, they'd have to remove 2 pre-molars and this will extend my waiting time by another year! So I told him straight way 'whatever gets me there quickest!' He said only having the one jaw done will also cut my recovery time down, so that's a positive.

Clever little metal-chain-runner; you're almost invisible :)

So, I'm at the point where in 6 weeks I will have a double appointment where photographs, moulds and X-rays will be taken and they can decide what will actually be done during surgery. He says that my teeth are doing great, I've kept them nice and clean which wasn't easy with the chain runner across them, so to add the finishing touches and close off any little gaps, he's made me a new type of chain, which you can see in the photograph is made of wire this time, not plastic, so it won't discolour, and its more hygienic.

I was a little disappointed when he told me about the next appointment, but I says for my actual surgery, given that nothing goes wrong, will happen early next year, latest February - which will give me some time in the half term to recover, saying that, my course year finishes in April  so I could even wait till then.

All in all, it was good. I got those horrid plastic, stained runners off, and got my nice new clean pink bands back, so my smile doesn't look so scary now. I can be patient, its all coming together, very slowly :)

Waiting...

Theres no one else here in the maxillofacial waiting room, hope I get seen soon!

Lipstick and Nervousness!

I still don't quite 'get' lipstick

 I love wearing it now, but I can't eat or drink anything without wondering if its moved from where I put it! I used to avoid drawing any unnecessary attention to my face at all costs, but now that I'm that close to fixing it, I just don't care - also, the braces are immediately in your line of vision so its not really worth trying is it!


I apologise for spamming you guys with pointless pictures, but I'm really restless tonight - I have my appointment at 11 tomorrow morning, and I neeeeed good news with this one!

Wish me luck, okay?

Nervous smile!  :/

Close Enough

I found this old video that I used to watch, before all of this, before I started this treatment. I used to show my parents and say 'this is what I'll need one day' they'd laugh and tell me to stop being silly, that I 'am fine as I am'. As it happens, this video is basically what I'll be having done in a few months. Isn't it weird how things turn out?

I need to stop watching it- I'm just depressing myself even more knowing its not happening yet.

I just want to move forward!!

First off, Congratulations, Terra on almost one month post opp! You look amazing!

I received the 'NHS-noreply text', reminding me of my appointment next Wednesday at 11.20am - like I could forget!

I'm feeling so restless - almost distressed from being stuck with no change in my teeth for the last 2 months - because there is no change left to do! I'm just waiting for my new orthodontist to give me the okay and hand me over to my surgeon and let him work his magic.
My new ortho is fine. Great even. I just can't help but resent her for making me wait unnecessarily due to a minor miscalculation with my last brace adjustment. I don't like to hold grudges, but I never had any set backs with my last orthodontist...

I just want to get it over with, I'm not scared of the pain and discomfort, I'm scared of what the timing of this surgery will do to my life:
- If I have surgery within the next 1-2 months, I could jeopardise my college work and fall behind, but the plus side is my boyfriend is still away on his exchange study until December, and as much as I miss him, I want him to come back to the brand new me.
- If I have to wait till December or after Christmas, he'll be back, and the 4 weeks he has here until he leaves again for the academic year will be spent with me being a big swollen mess - not much fun! But the upside is that I have a better chance of being in a good recovered state to continue with college.

It's all out of my control, I know. I'll just have to put up with this orthodontic-rut I'm in for the time being, and I just pray for good news next Thursday to kick-start this journey again.

Speak to you guys next Thursday!

Let's try this again, shall we?

Right! 2nd time lucky, maybe? After my dis-appointment (ha) I'm now feeling very optimistic about my next, and dare I say it, my last brace adjustment appointment.

7th November, 11:20am I will find out if my teeth are ready for my surgery-braces. I'm incredibly anxious, and really just don't want more bad news and delays.

I've come back on here to read about so many of you being able to not count down, but count up from surgery, and its so exciting to be able to see your journeys. You've all shared such useful information, I feel so prepared for the painful road ahead.

I want this to hurry up, but I really hope it fits around my new course at uni - I'm having such a good time!

Peace! x

There they are, still gleaming away!

Also, does anyone have Tinitus - ringing in their ear(s)? I have had it all my life - only just found out what it is, and have been told its connected to TMJD, and I've been recommended SSRI - anti-depressant(!) to help with my anxiety and somehow, the Tinitus?

Almost Two Years

On Christmas eve 2010, I received the best news of that year - I had been accepted on to the treatment program which would eventually lead up to my long-awaited jaw surgery.



I've had many ups and downs since then, but when I think about how close I am to the day my orthodontist tells me I'm ready for surgery... well, its all been worth it!
Every toothache from tightened braces, every ulcer caused by the wire, every embarrassing moment when I realise I've spent half my day with lunchtime's salad, woven between my metal-covered teeth....

You get the idea. The point is, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, knowing all this is contributing to fixing my lop-sided smile and my clicky, locking jaw.

So, as I was feeling down lately due to the delaying of my surgery date, I thought I'd remind myself how far I've came, and that whether its next week or next year, it will happen.

Stay positive! 

Disappointment

Today was supposed to be my last appointment before surgery, but I am now having to wait 4 months longer, bringing me in to the beginning of 2013 before a date will be considered.

This is because the adjustments made to my braces last time haven't gone to plan.
They were supposed to be closing the little gap at the front of my teeth which was made whilst creating my under bite.
Instead, the gap has remained the same, and two new gaps have appeared either side. they say this will take two more appointments to fix this, using elastics.

What felt so close and real yesterday is now so out of reach.

At least I'll be able to eat Christmas dinner

Good News All Round!

Right! So I have my last appointment with my new orthodontist (my old one is on maternity leave) on Tuesday 4th, where I will have impressions, photographs, new braces and finally get to meet with my surgeon again before he cuts up my face. I'm incredibly excited and, to my surprise not nervous or scared at all.
I also got accepted in to university! I start in 2 weeks, studying a Degree in Forensic Science, I'm staying at home for the first year, to accommodate for my surgery, then I'll be moving out to finish my last 2 years.

This also means that I finally get to leave work at McDonald's! I'm gonna celebrate next week on my last shift.

It was my 21st Birthday last week, I had an awesome fancy dress party - I was a pirate :)

I'll let'cha know how it goes next week.

Good night!

15th Piercing - yay

Totally irrelevant but I do like a good piercing ;) here's my latest, the top two:                                                                           

My Count Down Begins?!

Ola! I've been on holiday in sunny Portugal being really lazy at the beach and by the pool, but a part of me couldn't wait to get home and check the mail for my next, and second from last appointment with my orthodontist. So on Monday, I will be receiving more impressions, photographs and a different type of wire. After this I have hopefully one more appointment and then meetings with my surgeon. I can not wait to hear the exact date for my surgery, feels like only yesterday I was making this blog, admiring those who were where I am right now.

Thank you all for the advice and support, I hope I can do the same for others.

See you on Monday! x

Josh and Me in a cocktail bar :)

4 to 6 Months Till Surgery!!!

Hello! I am excited to tell you all that I will have a new face in time to eat my Christmas dinner!

After my appointment last week I've been told I have only 2 more brace adjustments and impressions and then I meet my surgeon once more to discuss the FINAL plans for my surgery, and then I'm predicted to go under the knife between September and December!

SO! Here's a few pictures from early May, to last week with my new PINK braces - I'm told I won't be able to have a colour when I have my pre-surgery brace on so I thought I'd make the most of it.

So my underbite is fairly prominent now... I can't bite my nails at all now, and my chin seems to sick out alot more now, so I rarely keep my lips pursed >>>

So there you go!
I'm so excited, Theres finally a light at the end of the tunnel!
I'll be posting soon!

It's about time!

I've had some very bad luck the last few months.

Firstly, after not receiving my next appointment when I was supposed to, I called the Manor Hosptial, and was told that my LOVELY Dr has left the department. When I asked 'so when will my next appointment be?' I was told very bluntly 'youll get one when you get one' followed by the buzz of the receiver as it was abruptly placed down.

Great.

But finally an my appointment has came, Im incredibly excited as this will be the one which decides whether my surgery is this side or Christmas or next year. I will have a number of X-rays and impressions taken and my braces finally changed.
My other disappointment came when I was turned down from the paediatrics nursing course I had applied for for next January due to it being FULL. But I think is is a blessing in disguise, as this means I will have more time to recover from surgery and can start the year after with a NEW FACE!

I'll let you know how it goes next week, more photos too! You are very lucky viewer!!! X x x

''Mind the gap''... No more!

Hello! Sorry for the silence, but I haven't had much to report.

These Photographs bellow are from my last appointment back in early March - I'd just forgotten to upload them!

 I have had a different brace on this time, it had theses little golden hooks at the front, top and bottom - I don't know what these are for though. Also, before my new wire was put on, a clear plastic thing was put on to the front bottom teeth - this felt really tight, and as wonderful as my doctors are, they don't explain much so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, please help me out!

NOW, the photos bellow are to show how my last brace change has started to close that big gap created earlier - I can barely fit my tongue between it now!

It might not seem like much, but it Feels like a huge change.

More importantly, my next appointments will consist of having my portrait taken again, some molds of my teeth so far, and then a meeting with non other than my Surgeon! 
I will get to find out how much further I have to go before plans for surgery can officially begin.

So, I should see you all for another post in April!

Until then! 

Almost One Year

Hello Strangers! I know its been a while, but there's been not much to report and I didn't want to bore you all with stories of my life between appointments.

I had my braces changed last week, the 18th, and I'm back to having a thicker wire, to help my back teeth get in line. I have another appointment on February 27th, and then in March it will have been one whole year since I first got my spacers inserted to make way for these little bits of metal which would take over my life for the next two and a half years.

My underbites' really coming along now, but my only complain would be that my lip feels rather huge now, as it has to stretch to cover my bottom teeth, and when I relax my mouth, as you'll see in a momment, its not a pretty sight:



General Smiling - Still Awkward!

I have decided to go with my surgeon's original idea and have my upper jaw moved forward slightly, as I think this would help my profile.

Relaxed Mouth - Silly lip!

So there you go, not much else to say, but again, if there's any double jaw surgery patients I would be happy to take any advice you have off your hands!

Also, I've just had my 11th piercing in my ears, to all the pierced-post-opp people, will I have to take them out for surgery?