Blonde again! :)

 I get very irritated when things aren't changing. So I make my own changes.

Today, I:

-dyed my hair
-got another piercing
-booked my tattoo

Interesting note, I took these photos whilst I had my brace-mouth guard which I bought to sleep in (FYI totally works, best thing ever at protecting against ulcers!!) - I'm impressed that my lip doesn't look too enormous!

I'll post my tattoo when its done :)

Good night peeps!

Keeping Myself Entertained

I often wonder what my new face will look like.

I see everyone's before and afters and its so amazing to see how a person can look so much better and happier, but still keep the little expressions that make them, 'them' you know?

Me? I just want to be able to look people in the eyes when I talk to them without thinking 'are they looking at my jaw? Can they tell? They don't like me I just know it!' 

I want to take a decent photo without having to remember which side to avoid at which angle.

I think I'll be 'complete' once this is fixed. Like I can be the best person I can be.

Tongue, just pick a spot, then stay put!!!

Its been 3 weeks since I last had my braces tightened and oh my god what is wrong with them!?

I mentioned that my new orthodontist had removed my plastic chain runners and provided me with some lovely, discreet wire versions (which won't change colour when I eat curry!) 

So although I'm loving this in comparison, I think I've swapped my eye-sore for a whole-mouth-sore!
I'm prone to ulcers anyway - for no reason, but this is the worst ever - and its not even my usual 1cm+ ones! They've covered the sides of my tongue because I've ended up biting it with the brackets when trying to avoid hurting my lip. 

 This photo doesn't do it justice! Its dark, and angry looking, and its making my life hell!
I couldn't speak in class all week, and can't eat. I've plastered my teeth in wax as you can see but nothing helps! I'm out of Bonjela, Anbesol, and every other useless remedy I could think of.

I just wanna brush my teeth without having to hold my lip stretched out with my other hand!

Now, I know this is nothing compared to how I'll feel post-surgery, but at least that's a good reason to be in pain - this isn't! 

My jaw has also been locking at least 7 times a day - think this is because I've been clenching my teeth without realising it due to the discomfort of this damn ulcer - it has no idea what trouble it's causing!

All things must end... but not like this

For those of you who follow me, you know that I rarely include anything personal/ non-brace related details in my posts, but here's the exception - I had to get it out somewhere. Bare with me, I've been keeping this in for a while.

So, my boyfriend and I broke up.

We'd been together for 7 years. He was my world, my rock, my best damn friend.

He's in Finland as a foreign exchange student at the moment- as you can imagine  the distance is hard, but we got through it, or so I thought.  3 weeks ago he took a class trip to Russia, where I later found out he kissed a girl. 
I could forgive this - sure it hurt like hell, but it was one kiss with a person he's never going to meet again. This person then contacted me - telling me he 'said he wanted her.' 
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and told her 'maybe she didn't know he wasn't single...lets move on and leave it at that'. 

Her reply left me speechless. Her exact reply was: ''I wasn't interested in him before, but seeing as you want him so much, I'm gona go for it, think I can get him from you? ;P''
I told him this. He told me not to worry, told me he doesn't want her. I believed him.

I found out he'd booked another trip to Russia. I begged him not to meet her. He promised. He returned before I knew it - still promising he didn't meet her - but this time, telling me that he 'doesn't know if he wants me any more'. 
I was in pieces. Every night we'd talk on Skype, he would listen to me plea my case - I told him that he's back so soon, we can make this right, make this relationship better, because it was worth it, cause he was worth it! He dragged this out for 3 whole weeks, telling me 'he doesn't know what he wants' or 'we'll talk tomorrow' - but not before telling me that he still loves me every night.

Monday 19th - His Russian girl emails me print screens of their messages. 
He did see her in Russia. He rented a hotel room with her. He lay there all night telling her how he wishes he'd  met her sooner, called her his 'Russian Princess'. 
I called him again and again until he grew a pair and answered.

'I'm sorry you found out'....That's all I got.

7 years, destroyed, all because some manipulative bitch got a kick out of my misery, and because he was willing to throw it all away to the first girl who noticed him.

It's bizzare reading this back - I've not repeated this in so much detail to anyone. But although I've lost my boyfriend, and my best friend, the moment I hung up that phone, all the stomach churning stopped. I felt lighter, almost free. and despite the sadness this causes when I think about what will never happen now, he is not the guy I adored a few weeks ago. 

The deepest regret I think I'm feeling now, is that I feel so alone for my surgery - he was the one who pushed me to go for it when I was scared, and now I almost felt like screaming 'just wait! wait and see who I'll be after this!' I couldn't wait for him to come back from Finland and see the new me. I know that's wrong, and  I know I don't need someone like this. 

PHEW! There, I've made myself read this - made myself accept it.

Onwards and up! There's so many people out there who've gone through this - despite how trivial in the scheme of things, I really feel for anyone in a similar position, and I'm not gonna let it define my life :)

I'll be okay, I believe that now. 
Next appointment in 4 weeks! x x x

Bit of a Tight Fit!

As you know I had my appointment for adjustments and what-not on the 7th November.
Now, sure I expect my teeth to be sore, I even expect to not be able to eat particularly hard foods that week. But what I didn't expect is for it to have been 14 days later and still be struggling with a sandwich!!

Nice, sweet soft cupcake...ruined as my stupid teeth couldn't grind down those crispy sugary bits on top!

Still, I'd chose these overly-tight braces over the plastic chain-runners I had any day!

Hope everyone's having a more eventful week than I am!

At least I know where I stand (appointment update)

 I've just got home, appointment went well, other than it not being my last, but I had (another) new orthodontist, he was very nice, and straight to the point. He told me that I will definitely only be having my one jaw operated on, as there is only enough 'movement' for the bottom jaw. He promised me this will be enough to fix the symmetry, and showed me this on the moulds taken back in may(!), how that if I really wanted my upper jaw done too, they'd have to remove 2 pre-molars and this will extend my waiting time by another year! So I told him straight way 'whatever gets me there quickest!' He said only having the one jaw done will also cut my recovery time down, so that's a positive.

Clever little metal-chain-runner; you're almost invisible :)

So, I'm at the point where in 6 weeks I will have a double appointment where photographs, moulds and X-rays will be taken and they can decide what will actually be done during surgery. He says that my teeth are doing great, I've kept them nice and clean which wasn't easy with the chain runner across them, so to add the finishing touches and close off any little gaps, he's made me a new type of chain, which you can see in the photograph is made of wire this time, not plastic, so it won't discolour, and its more hygienic.

I was a little disappointed when he told me about the next appointment, but I says for my actual surgery, given that nothing goes wrong, will happen early next year, latest February - which will give me some time in the half term to recover, saying that, my course year finishes in April  so I could even wait till then.

All in all, it was good. I got those horrid plastic, stained runners off, and got my nice new clean pink bands back, so my smile doesn't look so scary now. I can be patient, its all coming together, very slowly :)

Waiting...

Theres no one else here in the maxillofacial waiting room, hope I get seen soon!